Focus on the Family Segregated Worship by Devin Maddox

Posted: July 21, 2009

Focus on the Family Segregated Worship

The humanistic break up of the family by Christian ministries

BVG is seeking to reform the home, church, and civil government for the glory of God. We at BVG have noticed that there is a trend with contemporary family ministries to use modern psychology intermixed with scripture to answer questions that are raised by concerned parents.

The problem with this method of advice is that it waters down God's word and elevates human rationalism.

A bulletin that we recently reviewed, had this question and answer section in it:

NOISY TODDLER IS TOO YOUNG FOR CHURCH SERVICES

QUESTION: I get very upset because my 2-year-old boy will not sit still and be quiet in church. He knows he's not supposed to be noisy, but he hits his toys on the pew and sometimes talks out loud. Should I reprimand him for being disruptive?

DR. DOBSON: With all respect, your question reveals a rather poor understanding of the nature of toddlers. Most 2-year-olds, those who are normally active, can no more fold their hands in church and listen to a sermon intended for adults than they could swim the Atlantic Ocean. They squirm and churn and burn because they must. You just can't hold a toddler down. All their waking hours are spent in activity, and that's normal for this stage of development.

So I do not recommend that your child be punished for this behavior. I think he should be left in the church nursery where he can shake the foundations without disturbing the worship service. If there is no nursery, I suggest, if it is possible from a financial point of view, that he be left at home with a sitter until he is at least 3 years of age.

Again another question and answer session in a more recent time period:

Dear Dr. Bill:

Can you advise me about how to deal with my 4-year-old son who won't sit still in church? He seems to be extra wiggly then � irritating my husband and me, clowning around and almost disrupting the service for attention. This happens in almost all public places. I've tried talking to him about it repeatedly, but my son doesn't listen very well. For some reason he behaves differently in school or with other family members � it's almost like he's a different person when we're around. What should we do?

� Sakinah

Dear Sakinah:

I hate to break the news to you, but it's not realistic to expect a 4-year-old to sit still in church. Your son should be in a Sunday School class with kids his own age, where the teachers offer activities and lessons geared toward pre-schoolers.

One of the common mistakes parents make is placing unrealistic expectations on their young children. It's important to understand that at 4, your son isn't going to act like a grown-up and sit through a one-hour church service, especially if there is nothing in the service geared for kids.

You also mention that your son displays disruptive behavior in other settings, and that even though you've repeatedly talked to him about it, his behavior hasn't improved. Well, you can talk to him about it until your blue in the face, but the fact is that four-year-olds typically don't respond to logical discussions about their problem behavior. Instead, kids his age respond to action.

When I work with parents of pre-schoolers, one of the phrases I repeatedly stress is "act, don't yak." The only way to effectively train a child your son's age is to set clear limits and then enforce those limits with consequences.

You mentioned that he tends to behave more appropriately when he is at school or with other family members. My guess is that's because they are implementing consequences when he misbehaves, not trying to reason with him. It's also likely that they are providing him with positive attention and rewarding his good behavior.

This advice is problematic. Family centered worship is a must for Biblical Christianity to prevail in the home and church environments. Dobson states that the person asking the question, "has a poor understanding of the nature of toddlers." This seems ironic, because we have yet to see Dobson's material discuss the nature of mankind in children.

The nature of mankind is this, "...There is none righteous, no, not one." -Rom.3:10

And, "For as in Adam all die..." -1st Corinthians 15:22

So this is also true, "And you hath he quickened, who were dead in trespasses and sins; Wherein in time past ye walked according to the course of this world, according to the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that now worketh in the children of disobedience: Among whom also we all had our conversation in times past in the lusts of our flesh, fulfilling the desires of the flesh and of the mind; and were by nature the children of wrath, even as others." -Ephesians 2:1-3 (Emphasis mine)

Secondly he says, "Most 2-year-olds, those who are normally active, can no more fold their hands in church and listen to a sermon intended for adults than they could swim the Atlantic Ocean."

This comment reveals that he did not read the concern accurately. The parent wants to train the child to sit still and be quiet in church, not listen to an adult sermon. The learning the child should receive is to behave in an environment of worship and not to be shipped off to a nursery or baby sitter every time worship is in progress.

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it." -Proverbs 22:6

The point is to train the child for adult services now as they grow up, and not wait until they are a disruptive teenager to try to train them to sit still and be quiet, the most forsaken and basic of child training commands.

Dobson also states, "You just can't hold a toddler down." Really? So a toddler can do whatever, whenever and we are supposed to just keep up and stay active to fulfill their desires all the day long until they finally wear themselves out and go to sleep? Is that what Biblical child training consists of? Who would be the trainer and who would be the trainee?

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord: for this is right." -Eph. 6:1

Lastly, Dobson says to leave the child, "at home with a sitter until he is at least three years of age."

This begs the question, where is the sitter supposed to be on Sunday morning? In addition, who is the sitter anyway? If the sitter is not someone to expect in church on Sunday, then the person is secular and working for pay (private gain) on the Lord's Day. Three years? Is he serious?

"And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord." -Eph. 6:4 (Emphasis mine, notice it does not say, "leave them".)

I have a two year old and a four year old that attend the "adult" (family) worship service every Sunday and they are both, normal and active. Both of them, not with infallible perfection, but most of the time, sit still and be quiet during the service. To behave one hour a week in an "adult" worship service is not too harsh for good child training. This was not accomplished through being a supernatural parent, but through child training.

I usually ask them before we leave the house, "what are you supposed to do when the singing is over?" (They love to sing and learn the worship songs.) They tell me, "sit still and be quiet." They know, they have learned, and it is not impossible. Parents need encouragement to train and teach their children for the future and not pacify for selfish convenience.

The second example with Dr. Bill is more of the same logic, but from a different "expert". This is similar advice, but for an even older child. At least he talks about, "act, don't yak", since a toddler lacks the desire to reason.

In conclusion, we at BVG strongly urge parents to reform any habitual routines of pacifying children, and instead teach them to be a part of the worship of God in the congregation. This does not mean we are against the Church assisting parents in training children in the Word of God, in fact, we encourage it. However, the methods of Church assisted training should be designed to instill Biblical character into our children and prepare them for the service for our King. They should never be used to exclude them from the assembly of the saints or nullify the parents responsibility. The church is to only reinforce, aid, and give resource to the parents as they train their children in the ways of the Lord.

"And thou shalt love the LORD thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and thou shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up." -Deuteronomy 6:5-7

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